Lets Chat: Sad over Christmas

Its like 2am, I’m sad and have no one to speak to. So I am going to speak to my blog, because why not. I know that I should be asleep, but I’m not. Who knows when that will happen.

Tonight, I was in an iffy mood. Like it wasn’t that anything bad happened but nothing good happened either. I felt like I wasted my whole day

But what got to me and made it worse was thinking about Christmas. Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because it feels magical and I get to spend it with my family. Now that I moved away, I appreciate that time even more with them and the traditions that we have had for so many years.

Knowing that this year I’m not going to be with my grandparents is really fucking hard. I thought that last year was bad not having my uncle, but this year I just feel so alone. Yes I am lucky to have my mom, but my grandparents raised me and they’re more like parents to me. And its all because of a stupid virus. Yes it is possible to travel there, but it would take a miracle that I don’t have and don’t believe in anymore. The flights there are already ridiculous this time of year to go there. But the quarantine fees are even worse. The reality is I can’t afford it.

Honestly, I don’t know how I am going to survive the next few weeks. I am trying to be positive and responsible but its hard. Seeing everyone live this picture perfect life while mine is slowly falling apart is hard. I am jealous of the people who have a family or even seen their family through a window or who have a pet or those who can buy whatever they want without feeling guilty.

Some part of me wants to say fuck it and buy something that I have had my eye on for a while especially knowing that I am stuck until who knows when. But then the responsible part of me remembers that I have a student loan to start paying.

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A quirky, possibly crazy 22 year old talking about her life and doggie.

18 thoughts on “Lets Chat: Sad over Christmas

  1. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down … where do you need to get to and from, and what’s with the quarantine fees? Don’t just go and buy something to make you feel better because there just might be a plan and then you’d regret having spent the money which you might need. Firstly, is it safe to visit your grandparents? For them that is? Would you be putting them at risk? That’s the most important thing. If not, then just how far away are they? Can you talk to them all and try and work something out? Katie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So I live in Toronto right now but my grandparents live in the Caribbean. The island exactly is 5-hour flight to go there. Normally, stay at my grandparents home because why not. But with the virus I would have to quarantine for 2 weeks at a government facility which is 95US per night or a regular hotel that’s anywhere between 200US and 700US a night. On top of that the flights around this time of year are the most expensive. The cheapest a one way flight would be is around 700 cad. It would cost me at least 2000 CAD to see them. And that doesn’t include the return flight or spending money. And I am not asking them for money.

      I don’t know if I would be putting them at least. I don’t leave my house, so the only way I could get sick is on the flight. That chance would mean the world to them because they miss me, especially my grandfather. They bring up me not being there for weeks. And I try to be strong and positive but its hard.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww that’s so hard for you. I do understand, really. With our children all over the world it’s a nightmare at this end too. Just keep looking at the Caribbean government website because it’s changing the whole time. These countries are struggling without the income from tourism and the quarantine is putting everyone off. They may well change. South Africa has literally just had to do that. They need the money from the tourists, so don’t despair … keep watching their websites and if it all goes horribly wrong and it’s simply not going to be possible, just save your money for the wonderful reunion you’ll have in a few months. Sending you masses of love 💗. Katie

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah it is. Hopefully by the time its safe to travel without so many restrictions, its not too late for me. Right now I am free and have the time to do whatever I want, but with wanting to go to grad school next year, travelling may not be possible. It might have been silly to want a switch (which is what I was going to spend money on) but it also cost 1/3 of what I would normally pay to go there this time of year. Honestly, I spend around 1000 CAD flying to and back all the time.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yeah it is expensive. That is what happens when people are trying to get out of the cold for the holidays or want to be with their family.

        When I said “switch”, I meant the Nintendo switch gaming console. Has nothing to do with grad school

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t seen my parents since December 2019 because of COVID. We won’t be going home for Christmas and they aren’t coming here this year either. It’s just me, my husband and my daughter. We won’t be having a traditional Christmas this year. We live in Calgary and they live near Toronto.

    COVID will likely be more under control by next spring, so you might be able to visit your family then. I know it sucks but it won’t last forever. But yourself something nice in the meantime – something that will give you hours of entertainment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Being responsible sucks.

      I’m just hoping when its fine to travel that its not too late for me. Without covid, I would have been able to travel right now because I am free. But if I decide to grad school, I can’t travel. I’ve wanted to get a switch for some time and I’m thinking maybe I should. My mother would probably kill me, but I am willing to risk that. Plus, like you said, hours of entertainment

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I suggest getting a Nintendo switch. It’s a good distraction. There’s usually sales around this time of year.

        Right now I’m fighting to graduate. It’s been a stressful semester with the pandemic and being transferred from hospital to hospital. Being responsible does suck – I’m only getting night shifts these days, but I need hours so I’m taking the shifts.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I doubt the console is going to get cheaper. The lockdown showed how in demand it was. Maybe the games might, but I only want one. I’m thinking say eff it, buy it and then hide it from my mom. At least for a while

        Damn. Unfortunately, you have to do what you have to do to graduate, even if that means night shifts.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. We paid $400 CAD for the switch last year during Black Friday weekend. Mario Kart was included in the bundle. It’s much cheaper in the US to buy the Switch but idk if the border has reopened yet.

        You shouldn’t have to hide things from your mom. You’re an adult and it’s your money. I didn’t want to pay $80 for Animal Crossing but ended up using a gift card and coupon, so it was $50 in the end. My husband gave me the gift card that he got from his brother to help pay for it. Bless his soul.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I ended up getting one from best buy last night, and it wasn’t one of my questionable midnight purchases. I was going to wait till black Friday, but seeing how it seemed to be selling out quickly this year with everyone being at home, didn’t want to risk it.

        I agree I shouldn’t have to hide it, but she looks down on my spending choices, with her paying the bills and me “wasting my money away”. The way I justify it is that it was the money I was going to travel with if there was no virus.

        Awwwww your husband is the sweetest person ever.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Once you have your own place and start working, your mom won’t have a say in how you spend your money. Moving out also gives you more freedom. I wish I had a job- then I would be more independent and less dependent on my husband.

        I hope that the Switch can lift up your spirits! What game did you get?

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Yeah I agree, but right now I’m dependent on her. So I am trying to keep the peace in the meantime.

        So here’s the funny thing, I ordered the console last night (the animal crossing edition) and it came today, less than 24 hours later. But did not buy a game or even opened the box yet. That said, I think I’m going to go with animal crossing, because I liked it on the DS and everyone seems to be talking about it.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. It’s a pretty chill game and they say it’s good for mental health. If you want to add me as a friend once you start playing the switch, I can give you my friend code. I’ve still got a ways to go in terms of finishing my island, but I don’t mind giving tours of it in the meantime. (Warning: it’s messy as I tend to hoard items and have run out of storage) 😂

        Liked by 1 person

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