Its been raining all day, cold and might start snowing soon. For some reason my room is always the coldest in house, so I’ve been underneath a blanket the entire day because I am freezing. It also doesn’t help that I am in pyjama shorts. Welcome to November. Or would it be December?
Going to be honest, I struggled a lot this month and I am still struggling. I think its a mix of the holidays coming up, still trying to get a job and this pandemic. Its becoming a lot and I’m just miserable. I barely get out of bed during the day but I am tired. And I always have a burst of energy at 2 or 3am. I have no motivation or care in the world to do anything. Its like I am slowly shutting myself off from everyone and everything.
Who would have thought that the pandemic would have lasted so long and instead of numbers lowering, its getting higher. The GTA is on week 2 of lockdown.
Job update: Applied to 7, got rejected from 1 and never heard back from the rest. I was a bit consistent, positive and motivated with applying to jobs at the beginning of the month. I know its bad to admit this, but towards the end of November, I started caring less and less. I just could not care enough. I had tabs opened or saved and I just did not have the energy. And it goes back to me struggling.
I think the closer it gets to Christmas, the worse I will feel. I have had to accept not being with my grandparents this year. And its not going well. I really tried to get in the holiday mood by putting up my Christmas tree early and take my mind off everything but instead I ended up being a crying mess at 2am and buying a nintendo switch. My nintendo switch was a really good purchase and it makes me as happy (on the inside) as I could be, but it did take a hit on my bank account. Also I have stopped journaling and reading less because all I do is play games. I mean, you win some, you lose some. I know I could be listening to audiobooks, but I can’t do it.
I think I have come to a decision about grad school. I will be applying, thats for sure. But I keep on changing my mind about what I want from it. At first I was interested in financial economics, but then after the open house, I questioned whether it was really for me. And I think what feels right is doing my masters in Economics and then in a few years doing a masters in Finance. At the end of the day I really do love both these subjects. However, I will say this, I have not worked as hard on my application as I should be. I have started 3 and waiting for 1 to still open. I have not worked on the statements and I am delaying asking for a reference. It sounds strange to admit this, but I’m scared of not getting it or my professors not remembering me. I’m an anxious and shy person, so I never went to office hours okay!
There were 2 good things that happened that I need to share:
- The paper that I submitted at the beginning of September to a journal, got accepted. I found that out at the beginning of this month but wanted to wait till I confirmed the news. I have had take-backs and false promises to not believe people.
- I got a volunteer position at an organization that is for and run by young women. I will be trying to find grants and maybe working on their blog. I’m really excited.
Lately the only tv show I have been keeping up with is Below Deck. Thank god Captain Lee is back because I missed him plus they are filing in Antigua. Started watching Kim’s Convenience and it was a good show. Its funny, Korean family and filmed in Toronto. Also since Greys Anatomy started back again I’ve only watched the first 3 episodes. Its hard to watch a storyline about a pandemic when its still a thing that has caused me so much pain. Same can be said about the new season of The Good Doctor. Only watched the first episode so far.
I read 5 and 1/2 books this month. Its not that much, it I’m still proud. I finished:
- Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins
- Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams
- True or Dare by Danielle Allen
- From Lukov with Love by Mariance Zapata
- The Lion’s Den by Katherine St. Jon
And I am currently 75% done with The Cruel Prince by Holly Black
In case you want to catch up, this is what I posted throughout the month:
- Grad school Next Year?
- Let’s Chat
- Baby Foxes & Fall Leaves | November Bullet Journal Spread
- My Christmas Tree is Up
- Curly Hair [Wash Day] Routine
- Lets Chat: Sad over Christmas
- What do you enjoy keeping track of?
- Lockdown 2.0 and Some Snow
- I Bought Myself a Switch
- Family, Phone Calls and the Holidays
And that is my November.