My life is a fucking shit show right now. I will explain…

Its been a day. I am currently crying. I feel like I am losing control of every single thing in my life. And I have no one to speak to right now, so I am going to vent here.

If you’re new, welcome. My name is Aaliah and my life is a fucking shit show right now.

My period started today, so maybe that explains why I feel extra emotional right now.

About a month ago, my grandmother got sick – a bloodclot and a stroke. About 2 weeks after that, she fell and ever since has been bed ridden. The beginning of June she was able to fend for herself and the beginning of July she’s wearing diapers. I live in Canada, while she lives in the Caribbean. Not only are we in a pandemic, the two locations are miles apart and there are no flights to that specific island. And since I do not have a Canadian passport/us visa, I cannot connect through there. Instead I am a sitting duck feeling like a useless piece of shit in Canada. My uncle and grandfather are now her caregivers.

She raised me and is more of a mother than a grandmother to me. Having her sick has been the hardest thing. My uncle tries to video call me, so that we can talk, but its hard seeing her like that. And I have to pretend to be peppy and chirpy because I dont want my family to know how much its breaking me and how much I am hurting.

I still call home every single day to check in on my grandfather. Today, he sounded resigned. He told me that she had been throwing up today. They brought her to the doctor, but she was still a bit sick tonight. A part of me feels like we dont get a break. Every single time it feels like you take one step forward and five steps back.

To top it off, I have a FLOW nightmare. Basically, the telecom company there, is being the biggest pain in the ass and thief lately. I have been paying my grandparents telecom bill (cable, internet and landline) for the past year and a half. Now the problem started in May with them claiming I did not pay May’s phone bill even though I did. The transaction went through and after speaking to 4 people at my bank confirmed it . After a conversation with my banks manager, he refunded me the money and explained that they got paid and that I should be weary of them because if they do it once, they might do it again. I ended up paying May’s phone bill twice. I thought that was the end of the problem but oh no. My grandfather recently told me that the phone hasn’t been working for the past 2 months. So basically, I have been paying that company 3 months worth of phone bills when it hasn’t been working. We had a cousin look into it (because I do not live in that country) and they gave some bs excuse about switching systems what not. Now they are asking us to pay more money and sign a new contract so that everything can be working again. Other than the price increase, since the account is on my grandmother’s name, she would need to be the one who comes in and signs. My grandmother cannot walk and fend for herself, how the fuck do you want her to sign that document? Honestly, the easiest thing is to put the account on my name because I pay the bill, but I am all the way in Canada, and the employees there are not the nicest. It would be nice to switch to another network, but unfortunately the market is monopolized on that island and there isnt a choice. [technically its a duopoly but the nightmare has more options available than the other telecomm that just has mobile and internet ].

Honestly, I just feel hopeless right now.

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A quirky, possibly crazy 22 year old talking about her life and doggie.

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