Lately, I have been feeling like I am drowning. I feel like I can’t breathe because there is a lot going on through my head. I don’t know how to explain it for you to understand, and I don’t want it to seem like I am complaining or going through a crisis. There’s just a lot going on that I haven’t talked about yet.
About a week ago, my grandmother fell. She’s the glue holding my family together. So, hearing this wasn’t easy and being in another country, makes us even more worried.
I think a lot of that feeling is coming from my anxiety from grad school applications. My sleep is messed up – I am either sleeping 12 hours or 4 hours. I struggled to write my statement of interest. I am not the best writer and it was a mess. I do not have the best grades. My 3rd year was messed up because my mental health was at its lowest. But I also have things other than grades which hopefully make up for it – the paper, volunteering and presentations. One of my biggest worries is the references. What if the professor does not supply the reference letters. And my biggest worry – what if I get rejected from all 3 schools that I applied to? Am I that big of a failure?
Like I said, I feel like I can’t breathe.