I love that this blog gives me a space to rant and be vulnerable. I know that I posted one yesterday and that I haven’t gotten back to the comments, so if you’re reading this, know that I read them all and appreciated it. I will answer when I’m in a better headspace.
Lately my mother and (paternal) grandmother have kind of just been making passive aggressive comments to me. And usually I don’t care. But lately its different because their words kind of hurt. I don’t usually care what people think about me and I have gotten all the insults. But maybe its because I am in a dark place or because its family, it doesn’t help.
Making comments about the fact that I do nothing all day and need to get a job. My depression is bad and I am miserable. What am I supposed to do when I can barely get out of bed? For a few months, I have been applying to jobs but guess what I don’t ever get a response. Not my fault I am a disappointment.
And their favourite is making off-handed comments about the fact that I don’t cook. Not everyone enjoys cooking, and I am one of those. I don’t even enjoy eating food which might surprise people. I only eat because my tummy hurts if I don’t. The reality is I don’t enjoy food. I dont enjoy meat, fruits, veggies, rice. Honestly, I am fine with bread, pasta and cookies. I know its weird.
Making comments about me not helping in kitchen and doing nothing all day. 1. I am depressed and struggling. 2. I spend my days doing things to get my mind off whats making me sad
Making comments about what if I leave alone. Hello, pasta exists. Bread is also a staple.
Making comments about when I am married/have a husband. That one is the worse and gets to me more because the expectation that every single person wants to be married is wrong and the expectation that I have to be the one cooking is even worse. If I do get into a relationship, why am I expected to cook. Why can’t my partner cook if they enjoy doing it or is better at it. And if both of us don’t, then we’re fucked.
Be careful what you say to people. While you think what you are saying might help, your words might end up being hurtful
Arristella 
Words sting especially when they come directly from family. My mom has accused me of being lez in the past and that really stung. I am straight. For a while I was asexual meaning I wasn’t interested in dating. Just because I was single does not mean I date girls. I’m not even bisexual. 🙄 I care about comfort and hardly buy makeup/fancy fashions because I’m tactile sensitive to most fabrics… if anything, I’m androgynous meaning I’m not a girly-girl.
As for job hunting, it’s a frustrating journey for sure. I know a blogger who just got a job after 1.5+ years of tedious job hunting. She used LinkedIn and Indeed, so I highly suggest searching there.
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Your blog is amazing 🙂
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Thank you
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Words do hurt and this is something that I have learnt the hard way! I am here to chat if you need to 🙂
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Awwww thank you. And you’re right. The things you say can hurt people
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