As the days go by, I realize that what made me happy, no longer does. I prefer to sleep my day away and find a distraction when I am awake – that could be reading, playing animal crossing, watching youtube. I don’t really feel for food. I have kind of stopped speaking to people unless I have too. My room is an absolute mess and I don’t have the energy.
The truth is, I feel lonely, trapped, miserable. I don’t have the energy to do anything. I miss my grandparents, my uncle, my doggie. I miss my home. I know that I am privileged, but it doesn’t mean that I am happy. I am just so tired of pretending that I have my shit together when I don’t. And I am so tired of this year.
I have kind of become emotionless, unless I have to turn it on for someone. Like I could go from crying to happy and chirpy in a matter of seconds, with no one knowing what just happened. It scares me sometimes. So lately, if I don’t have to turn it on, I won’t. Why waste the little energy I have.
So lately with me being in that kind of mood and little energy, I’m getting the feeling that my mom thinks that I am a lazy piece of shit. And I get that since my room is a mess, I sleep the day away or playing my switch. Add in the fact that I haven’t been speaking to her or anyone lately, she’s kind of gotten moody with me. Or at least taking out whatever problems she has on me. Or maybe she’s trying to get a reaction and I’m just here answering kind of not giving a fuck. 1. if you’re moody and bitchy for who knows what, take it somewhere else because I’m not looking for a fight. I dont care enough. 2. I dont have the energy to even get out bed much less give you a full sentence.
If you are new here, I struggle a lot with my mental health. Anxiety, depression – you name it. I would not be surprised if there is something else.
I think the thing with mental health ( could apply to other illnesses) is that unless you have experienced it, you don’t understand what its like no matter how simple it is explained. So no matter how much I try to explain my anxiety and depression to my family, they do not understand it. I would be lucky for them to see something is even wrong when they are wrapped up in their own world. So instead, I just end up feeling filling trapped.