September 2020 Memories

I am not sure which one I am more surprised by; the fact that the year is almost over or that I have kept up with these recaps.

Just last week I reached 200 followers on this blog. It might not be a lot compared to others, but I am very proud that I have stuck with it and that people read it. So thank you for sticking around. Last week I also launched a new “professional-ish” blog, to document my career journey and show future employers that I can write something compelling. If you want to follow, I will link it here. If not, you won’t be missing anything because I post it here as well.

At the beginning of September, I was working on a paper to submit to a journal , and let me just tell you, it was the bane of my existence. Obviously I enjoy the topic and doing something new, but I hated life. I went back to the data set and stata to ensure that my findings were accurate and I knew what I was talking about, and in that process I looked at things differently. After several long nights and looking at the same words over and over again, everything started mixing and I felt like I could not see. Don’t worry, I submitted it before the deadline, but have not heard back. Hopefully I do soon.

This month was the first time ever that I was no longer a student. Ever since I was 3 years old, I have been going to school, so it is strange not being a student anymore when you were one for 20 years. I need to decide whether I want to go back to school next year. I knew that I wanted to take a gap year before going to grad school, but I do not really know if I want to go and whether or not I can even afford it

Even though I was no longer a student, my 12 year cousin started secondary school this month, and I am so proud of him and happy. Also, my 3-year old cousin started pre-school this month and seeing her in her uniform, she is so adorable. What makes it even better is that she is going to the same pre-school that I went to at her age and looks so much like me in pig-tails. This month, I got a new baby cousin. My uncle had a boy who was born on 17th September 2020. With me being stuck in Canada, I have missed all of that.

Knowing that my favourite time of year is soon and I can’t be with my family is breaking my heart. I’m already all these milestones, and trying to be positive, but its hard. And I don’t know how much more I can hold on when I just want to leave. Will I? Won’t I? Who knows. My PR card expired this month and the new one hasn’t come in yet, so.

This month I watched a lot of tv shows. Basically finished the entire of Alexa and Katie, Chasing Life and A Discovery of Witches. And I watched a lot of youtube on top of that. I have no shame because its the only way I have dealt with my sadness.

I did not read that much. Finished 4 books: Code of Conduct by April White, You Deserve Each Other by Sarah Hogle, The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune and The Trouble with Hating You by Sanji Patel. I am also in the middle of The Roomate by Rosie Dunan. I have been working a lot on my reading journal lately, and I am very proud of the way it has turned out. Hopefully soon I can share it.

Mental health update – I am not motivated and just don’t care. I’m not depressed, but I also not happy.

Job update – Rejections, rejections and even more rejections from things that I applied to back in June and July. Ohhh and lots of ghosting. Being an unemployed new grad is fun. Someone, please tell me it gets better.

In case you want to catch up, this is what I posted throughout the month: