I feel like I am in way over my head right now, that all I want to do is just cry myself to sleep. But instead of doing that I am going to eat my feelings away in lemon strudels and talk about what is going on. Because I am stressed, anxious, overwhelmed and hate my life.
I have an interview in about 12 hours. Its one that I really really want to get. But my anxiety has showed up early to the party. And you would think that after doing a few interviews it would behave itself and I would be a mess, but that is not happening. It is a case-study type of interview, which is different, and the review I saw online said it was hard, and by looking at the case studies on their website, they are not wrong. So now not only am I worried about messing up behavioural type questions, I have to worry about case studies. I did some at school, but theirs is different and harder.
I am not sure if other people have that type of problem, but I never know what to wear and how to do my hair for job interviews. I know its superficial. But it is not in person and I don’t know the dress code; should I go business formal or business casual. And I have curly hair which is seen as “unprofessional”, and I am not going to straighten my hair. So there is that.
In a week, I have a paper due. I am not the best and most confident writer, so this is stressing me out and makes me realize why I hate life. And I also know that I graduated and that there is no need to be doing papers. However, this is an edit of a paper that I wrote for a class last year, but I am submitting it to my school’s undergraduate journal. It was actually due today (1 September) but they pushed it back a week, which is a good thing because I completely forgot about it and started last minute. Procrastination at its finest. So far I only have one page done of a 15-page paper. I’m just having trouble putting my thoughts into words, and knowing that they are only going to choose 10 out of 50 submissions, makes me question whether or not it is even worth all that stress.
I need to call my doctor’s office again, tomorrow, because they have not called me back. In my last post I mentioned that I called to renew my prescription, they said the doctor would call me. Guess what that never happened. And I only have medication for 2 more days. Knowing I do not have anxiety medication for Friday, which is not the problem. It is that I hate making calls. It makes me so anxious. I know it sounds silly, but I have always been that way. I try to overcome that fear, but it leads to procrastination, which I do at my finest. So I need to call back again tomorrow.
Tomorrow is going to be a very emotionally draining day. Send help and best wishes.
Today was my grandfather’s birthday. He turned 71. I am so grateful that I have a grandparent who is still alive and got to live that long. But it is hard not being there to spend that day with him. I always get excited for other people’s birthdays and not being there for my family never gets easier. Plus, I haven’t seen them in so long, so that makes it extra sad.
And today I got my period. I guess I am hormonal.
I technically wrote and posted this on the 2nd of September, but in my head it is still September 1st. So every time I say today, I mean September 1st.
Anyway, I guess I’m going to go prep for my interview tomorrow, even though all I want to do is watch vlogs and read.