Okay so that title might be a little dramatic, so let me explain.
I consider myself an only child, even though I technically have three half-siblings on my father’s side [2 half-sisters both born in Canada, one 4 years younger and the other 7 years younger and a half-brother 14years younger than me born in St. Lucia]. I have no sort of relationship with my father, but I do know they exist and their names because I am close to his mother/ my grandmother who has been a big part of my life since I was born. I met the youngest two twice when they were babies, but they wouldn’t remember and I didn’t care. And honestly I still don’t.
I loved growing up as an only child, but there were times that I wondered what it would have been like to have a sibling. There were times I felt jealous seeing how other people had siblings and I felt lonely because all I had were uncles and grandparents. I don’t have regrets about the way I grew up, but these thoughts pop into your head. Now that I am older, we are older, I’ve thought about maybe one day getting to know them. But it wasn’t a big thing. And I was okay not knowing them.
Last week while looking at my grandmother’s profile, I saw a name that looked familiar. It was my sister’s name, so I figured why not just look at the profile. I know a bit stalkerish but whatever, I was curious. And then I went through it, only to see another name that looked familiar. Her mom sent me a friend request some time ago, but I didn’t recognize the name so I just let it be.
And today I got a friend request from my sister. I accepted it and that’s all.
What am I supposed to say?
Since it was 15 years ago, I do not remember these people, their names or what they looked like. All I remember was spending that summer in Ottawa, my sisters name and that she had 2 older brothers, with one my age. I know that grandmother does keep in contact with her, I just never bothered. Once she asked me if I wanted her number and that time I didn’t.
But like I said, now that I am older, I am curious to get to know her. We have lived such different lives, the only thing we have in common is our father. But I am also scared for her to hate me.