I’m Anxious Over Taking Photos and I Hate Myself

I’m taking my graduation photos this afternoon. Its 10:30 right now and I am ball of anxiety. And its such a weird feeling for me because I haven’t felt that in a while. Some part of me hates myself that I can’t do something normal and something that I have been looking forward to. The other part of me is going to be sick.

I don’t know if its because I went to bed after 4am. Not my best idea okay. No judging.

Or maybe because I asked my mom to wake me up and she scared the living shit out of me. Something happened years ago, so sometimes I get frightened when you just yell. It brings back bad memories.

Maybe its because I started a new dose of sertraline/zoloft two nights ago. I was on 75mg for a while, and the doctor convinced me to go higher. Maybe I’m still adjusting to it. I remember it being shitty in the beginning.

Maybe its because I am scared to go somewhere on my own because of everything going on. Its not like before you know. Plus, its in an area I’ve never been in so I am just taking Uber there because if not I’ll get lost. And not taking that risk.

Maybe its because I don’t feel pretty. I don’t wear make up and my face looks like trash.

I don’t know why. I just know I feel anxious about getting my fucking graduation photos done. Ughhhhhhh

Sometimes I wonder why can’t I be normal.