Just Hearing Those Words: Part 1

I have a good sense of intuition. And honestly it can be a blessing and a curse.

Whenever something has happened or is about to, its like my body can just feel something is different. It does not know what exactly, just that something is off. And its been happening for years. Now that away from home and my grandparents’, that instinct has been stronger and more frequent.

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On this day last year, Monday 27th May 2019, I remember not being able to fall asleep. It was after 5am and I rather play a game on my ipad than go to bed. I believe it was Homesscapes. I guess I felt something was off and I didn’t want to go to bed. And somehow woke up early-ish.

Little did I know that would have been one of the worst days of my life.

A few hours later after I had woken up I had gotten a Whatsapp message from my younger uncle C. He told me to tell my mother to call him and I ignored him. And then he messaged again saying that he really needed my mom to call him. So I said ok and messaged my mom to tell her to call him.

About 5 minutes later, she called me and told me that my older uncle B, had drank a poison and that they took him to the hospital.

It was the words that changed my life.

Where I grew up, drinking poison was a form of suicide, and even if they did survive, they would not live long. I mean less than a year before that we had gone through that same situation with my aunt so hearing that was not something I thought that I would begin my week with.

Unlike my aunt, they had found my uncle just after he did it. Unlike my aunt, I was close to him. He was like an older brother to me. So hearing that was the worst thing. Unlike my aunt, I was in a whole different country.

I remember messaging my friend just after I got that call saying that I really really needed to speak with them. They were at work but I felt so alone and needed to speak to someone. You can’t judge me. How would you react hearing news like that. Honestly, I am happy that they were there for me.

For an entire week, I prayed and hoped and wished, every single day that unlike my aunt, he would survive. But I also made arrangements for the what ifs.

I could have travelled that weekend [flights are only available on the weekend to that island], but instead I wanted to hope and pray that he would pull through and I would see him again.

On the weekend, I met someone for lunch Downtown Toronto, just to take my mind off everything because for an entire week, every single conversation and every little thing was about my uncle. I felt like I was suffocating. Was it bad that for a few seconds, I just wanted to forget it? Did I make the right decision?