Reminding Myself that its Okay

I really try to be grateful and not complain but I need to.

All today I have been saying confidently that I am not submitting my assignment tonight. That I am going to submit it later. But the thing is, its not that I am proud of that. Its that I am trying to convince myself to submit late. I am always on time, before the deadline, but this time I couldn’t .

Yes I could have started earlier. I know I know. But not only did I have finals that burnt me out, I was depressed. Getting shit done when you are depressed, it is not easy. Doing my finals, that took a lot of my energy and sleep. And straight after these finals, this essay was due. And I just couldn’t do it.

I needed to read about 100 pages and watch a documentary to answer the essay question. I still havent watched the movie and I am burnt out after reading those articles and chapters because the material is so dense.

I am so fucking exhausted.

I have been going to bed anywhere between 5 and 6am in the past week. Sometimes getting up by 10am or 3pm. It really depends.

Currently my eyes hurt so bad.

I don’t even think coffee can save me anymore.

And no finals are not done. Still have another one on Tuesday that I need to study for.

I am grateful that I have up to 2 weeks to submit this essay without being penalized. Everyone had a 1-time late pass and I never used it. So that was smart of me.

I love school and learning. And I avoid complaining about it because I know am privileged to be in this opportunity. But sometimes I need to remind myself that its okay. To take a break or submit things late or ask extensions. Its okay to be depressed and not be happy all the time. Its okay to ask for help.

Its also okay to not submit that essay and instead sleep or do something you enjoy.