Missing Him on His Birthday

Lit Candles on Cupcakes

My uncle would have turned 42 years today. But he’s dead and wasn’t able to experience it [not that there is anything he is missing]

I’m going to be honest, its been a rough day for me. Its almost 10 months since he died and it still hurts. I still miss him. And till you have lost someone, you understand how much death fucking sucks.

I’m not ready to talk about he died and what happened. I’m not ready to open that can of worms. Because he was young.

And the worst part of all of this is that I wasn’t able to say goodbye. And I hate myself for it. He died the morning of June 4th 2019 and I was in Canada, thousands of miles away. And the last time I saw him was January 13th 2019. I could have seen him the day before, because he was hospitalized for a week before he died, but I foolishly hoped that he would have gotten better. But he didn’t

His death is part of the reason being in St.Lucia is hard. That’s part of the reason why I couldn’t go back to my grandparents before the borders closed. Its too hard being there when he’s in the ground. I remember him in everything I do and everywhere I go.

Thats why even after all this time, his death is still hard for me.

He was not just my uncle. He was a big brother to me that I followed everywhere. He killed the bugs that I was afraid of, changed my lightbulbs, drop/pick me up from school, played games with me, give me money.

He’s a part of all my happy memories.

But now he’s no longer there. And I am scared that I am slowly losing them.

I miss him and that today is his birthday and he is not there fucking hurts.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN

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A quirky, possibly crazy 22 year old talking about her life and doggie.

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