Its another night with me being an anxious mess, though I am not crying. Well at least not yet. And its another night with an unplanned post. But you know what, this blog is about the feelings and opening up, so writing helps.
Tonight my anxiety and mind is going in overdrive about my dental appointment that I have in less than 12 hours. I’m getting a filling done/replaced and I have not done one in years so I do not remember what to expect and how painful it will be. And I have been trying to postpone getting it done for a while now, but this time I did not get away with that plan. Although I love my dentist, I don’t love needles, so fuck. I don’t expect it to be a chatty day tomorrow morning because we already caught up with each other last week. So I am guessing that its going to be straight to business, with no time to waste. I hate days like that.
I want to believe that everything is going to be okay and my mind is just overthinking like it usually does. However a small part of me is scared that something is going to go wrong or I will get some bad news.
You see, years ago I was supposed to get a filling done and something went wrong when she started. I’m not a dentist or anything close to the sciences but I think part of the tooth broke and I needed to get a crown replacement. Now the procedure was going to be expensive and painful, and she didn’t want to put me through that, so she suggested that I have the tooth extracted instead. I trusted her and it was fine, since it made room for one of my wisdom teeth to come in.
However, now that I am an adult and I don’t want to have an extraction. Plus the tooth that I am getting filled, is closer to the front of my mouth. So an extraction is going to be my worst nightmare right now. And if something more complicated needs to be done, I am going to get it done in Canada. Lets just say since I have insurance its going to be bit cheaper to get done there and I would asked to be sleeping or something. As long as I am not awake.
Before you say it, I know, I am overthinking. And that everything is going to be okay (hopefully).
But you know what, I still have my appointment tomorrow morning, I have no idea what to expect and I still have anxiety. Hopefully I fall asleep and don’t look a walking zombie in the morning. Who knows. Maybe I can just take a nap through the entire procedure.
Now I am kind of curious whether or not there are other people with a fear of needles or dentists? Or if your anxiety acts up whenever you have to go to a doctor?