Rejection After Rejection

When you’re in college or university you usually try to get an internship every year, to gain some experience and gain some money. Now the year before you graduate, the summer between your 3rd and 4th year, is really important since you’re hoping to get a job with that company.

Now this is the thing. I did not do any of that.  I’m basically going into my fourth year of university with absolutely no experience, which is just great when I have no idea what I want to do after I graduate.

Yeah you could say it. I’m fucked.

Now before you go judging me, here is the story. In January and February of this year, I could barely get out of bed. I was really depressed, my anxiety was the worst its ever been, and I had a few moments where I would hurt myself.  So looking for an internship was the last thing on my mind at that time. And I have to think that was all a blessing in disguise, because my uncle passed away at the beginning of June, which would have coincided with the beginning of an internship.

So I told myself, I would do a fall internship instead. I was burnt out with school, so it was the perfect opportunity. I did not want to go back to school in September. Still don’t to be honest. And so I began this long, tiring journey.

Its been 3 months and I regret this. I underestimated how hard it would have been to get an internship for September. I don’t have an idea of the number of applications or positions I applied to, but I know it would be over 50 at this point. I won’t be surprised if its like at 100. To be honest, I don’t even want to know.

And with all that hard work, I only got two interviews.

I talked about the experience with one of the firms here, and I did not get the other one, if you have not figured that out yet.

Sending in those applications was just rejection after rejection. Most of the times you never hear back from the firms, and you would be lucky enough to get an email acknowledging that you were not chosen. I know they get hundreds of applications, but still it hurts.

And I know that rejection is a big part of life. I get that. I am used to that. And I know that it’s a big part of the job search, unless you have connections.

This might sound crazy, but through all of this, I am not upset, sad, angry or disappointed.

Do I feel like a complete disappointment and failure, obviously yes.

But I have been through so much this past year that there are so many things worse than not getting an internship. And if I consider all the things that has happened in the past 5 years, rejection still does not come close. Rejection is rejection. You can’t compare that to mental illnesses, suicide, police interaction or family death.

Rejection is a part of life.

PS. Please keep in mind that I am still a student. I have not gone through the official post grad job search yet. Also I don’t have obligations, whether that’s a family to provide for, bills, rent, whatever. And I also know and I am grateful that I still have a family to help me out in the meantime, when I am on that official search.